Picture books and sixth graders

the read aloud that captivated the tweens

On my way out the door the other night, to volunteer in my 6 grader's religious education class, I grabbed a Christmas themed picture book.  I was a helper, so I hadn't planned a lesson.  I thought my responsibilities would end after taking attendance.  Turns out, I was in charge, and attendance took 30 seconds.  I had to fill 20 minutes before the penance service… which may not seem like a lot, but when I was looking at 18 tweens, who were not looking at me (because they're 11 and 12, and not really that interested in being there), I was at a loss for words.  My appreciation for teachers was once again confirmed, they have a natural gift and an amazing talent for tolerance. So, I pulled out the Christmas book, and started reading aloud.  I never looked up.  The kids were quiet and seemingly mesmerized by the story. Turns out, a picture book connecting Santa to the Christ child can captivate an audience of tweens. Kids are never too old to sit and listen to a great story.

In his mind, he's three

I forget, sometimes, that something I see and regard as not noteworthy, can have a significantly different impression on my children. My daughter and I participated in a 5k downtown over the weekend. At the end of the race, a homeless man was milling through the crowd. He was likely in his 70s and mute (or choose not to speak). He approached us while we were taking photos. He motioned for his photo to be taken, and we allowed him to pose. I didn't give it another thought, my nine year old pondered it though, and asked me about it later that evening. She said 'do you remember that strange man that wanted to have his picture taken? He scared me." Humbled that I'd disregarded something that clearly impacted my kid, I quickly considered how to explain things in terms that she could understand. My explanation, in the simplest of terms, was that in his mind, he was 3, and what does a 3 year old do when there's a camera? She said, 'they say cheese!' Since he couldn't speak, I responded, he gestured to have his photo taken. As to his unkept appearance, I told her that he was likely homeless and that he likely was used to being in this part of downtown all by himself. Since there were so many people there that morning (500+ girls and their families participating in GOTR), he thought it was a party and wanted to be a part of it. She was curious as to why he was homeless, and that, I couldn't answer in simple terms. I merely suggested that sometimes peoples minds work in different ways and its not our place to judge, but rather pray for them.  I'm fairly certain that evening, that instead of fearing that homeless man, my daughter instead said a prayer for him, cause that's the kind of kid she is. I also offered up a prayer for him and a second one of gratitude for the opportunity to talk this through with my daughter. Its so important to be present for your kids, because you never know when you'll have a chance to make, or repair, an impression.

In his mind, he's three. 

Reflections on one day in NYC

Everyone has advice when you tell them you are going to New York City.  I was stressed because I'd not booked a 'if you only have one day' tour or had a plan for a specific restaurant to visit.  My sister, took charge though and arranged for the Statue of Liberty and the 9/11 Memorial, booking on line for both provided reservations for specific times, noon and 3:30.   Commuting in from our hotel in Tarrytown gave us terrific views of the Hudson, a stop at Grand Central Station and the priceless experience of a short trip on the metro… all tourist attractions in their own right.  However, it was in seeing both the Statue of Liberty and the 9/11 Memorial in the same day… one, the icon of freedom and liberty; the other, a memorial to the lives lost at the hands of those who didn't respect freedom and liberty; that defined my trip.  I didn't realize that my one day in NYC would cause me to reflect so much those who'd travelled here over the past centuries to become citizens; and those died September 11, 2001. My conclusion?  What continues to make the United States a great nation is the surviving generations from both those who immigrated, as celebrated by the Statue of Liberty; and those who perished, memorialized at the reflecting pools.  My day in NYC, was not about the food or the things that I didn't see (that everyone had said 'you haaaavvvvve to see')... it was about what I did see.  Visiting those sites made me take the time to realize how lucky I am to be an American, and pause to remember those who died simply because they were American.

In honor of Veterans day, yellow roses were placed on the names of the individuals who were members of the armed forces, and died on 9/11/2001.

Your response may help them be a better person.

While hanging out with a friend from her class, a boy that's not in the popular crowd, my daughter was asked:  "why are you hanging out with him?" (think of a bratty tween, and I'm sure you can hear how this sounded).  My daughter told me about it and was looking for advice on how to respond.  I refrained from saying "tell her 'its just say none of her business''.  Instead, I shared that she'll likely face these comments again, and her response can make the inquirer a better person.  I'm trying to teach my kid to be a better person, and in so doing, perhaps her actions will be contagious. I think this made sense to her, but I should probably read up on some 'bully' blogs, in order to help my kids be quick witted and to take the high road, at the same time.

Whisperer still relevant?

I recently had a networking meeting with a marketing professional who is at the peak of her pre-mommy career, one that she'll likely return to after a respectable maternity leave, versus my leave that's now lasted 12 1/2 years.  Over coffee yesterday, I picked up tips from her on following current trends in digital marketing.  I refrained from offering advice or even commenting on her pregnancy, respecting that unsolicited advice can often be annoying. When she mentioned her due date though, I saw my opportunity (even non-meddlers, like to share stuff that we find useful).  In email exchanges after our conversation, expressing my thanks for her time, I shared a book and a baby registry item that I thought were helpful. The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer and a bath pillow that resembled a mini beanbag chair. I recall both being essential in making life easier, hopefully both are still relevant.

Great to put on the kitchen counter for sponge baths
 when you're still measuring your child's age in weeks.

 

(I also learned how to use images in my post.) Images courtesy of Amazon

An adjective for another’s voice

I first noticed myself using my mom’s tone in subtle ways.  Then, particularly when I wanted to get someone’s attention or to reprimand, I found myself using her tone more deliberately.  In fact, it became an adjective, ‘my kay redmond voice’.  Anyone that knows my mom, knows that tone.  As I write this, I worry that it may be perceived as  making fun of my mom, that is not the case. She has a way of getting her point across, and commanding attention. That doesn’t come naturally to a lot of people.  Now, having kids of my own, the cycle repeats.  I hear my tone of voice in my own kids.  Today, my older one instructed me to get thick crust pizza the next time I buy it, the younger chimed in immediately and said “don’t you mean to say ‘thankyou for dinner?’ “  I find it endearing, but I’d imagine that they find it humorous and will one day blog about the ‘kate diday voice.’

Preserved pre-business casual attire, now halloween costume

I exited the workforce to raise a family in 2002.  Business casual attire was just starting to be the trend, but I was proud of the investment I’d made in my professional wardrobe!  So I packed it up and stored it.  Now, my 11 year old is using an old blazer for this year’s halloween costume.  She’s a secret agent, and loves the oversized black jacket (with, may I add, subtle shoulder pads).  Who’d of thought my hard earned paycheck $s, smartly used to buy the fashion trends of the late nineties, would have ended up in the costume box.  I only wish I would have kept that first cell phone of mine. A bag phone, complete with the faux leather zipped cover and handle.  That would have been a huge hit with the kids.

Almost as good as lasterday

Had one of those priceless conversations with my 11 year old at bedtime tonight.  I wouldn't trade these conversations for the world, and hope to always remember them... which is partly why I blog.  Tonight, she introduced a new phrase "another o'clock."  We were discussing the impact of me returning to work, and I explained how I'd likely have to start work by 8:00.  This, she thought was fine, since she'll be in school at 7:45.  Then, she simply suggested that I return home from work at "another o'clock" to be here when her school day ends. This, from the genius who at the age of 4 coined the phrase lasterday.  Lasterday was how she referred to anything that occurred in the recent past. It made much more sense to her then the word yesterday, and we all agreed, naturally!

Grief creep

Just when you think you may have finished the grieving cycle, little things happen that allow grief to creep in.  I was at the pool yesterday watching my daughter and nephew (9 and 8) play baseball... they were striking a very worn water-bomb-ball, using their arm as a bat and jumping in to swim the bases (whose location was visible only to the two of them).  This lasted for over an hour, and there were no bad calls, no outs, frequent re-dos and lots of pure fun.  I wished my sister, Eileen, was sitting there with me to watch her son and niece.  I remember when, 12 years ago, we had agreed that we'd stay close, so our kids would grow up playing with their cousins. We planned for it, bought houses in the same city, had 5 kids between us... What we didn't plan on, was cancer. She got it first, ovarian.. then I was diagnosed with breast.  8 months later, only one of us remained.  That was nearly 5 years ago.  So there it is, grief creeping in on a warm sunny, otherwise perfect pool day.  With this creeper, though, there were no tears.  I just said a prayer asking God to make sure Eileen had a great seat to see this baseball game.  Since she wasn't sitting next to me, here, I know she must be with our dad taking in the view from Heaven.

Weed-wacker for hedge trimming

I'm in awe of the friends of mine that are transitioning household chores to their kids.  I occassionally get mine to clean their rooms, perhaps even vacuum and dust... but that's only after asking 3 times.  A neighbor of mine has her kids not only doing chores at home, but distributing flyers to do chores around the neighborhood... for a fee, naturally.  That's the kind of parent I thought I'd be, and I know there's still a chance.  So, as I was using the weed-wacker today in the yard, around the sidewalk and beds, I thought, this is something that eventually the kids could do... Then, I noticed that the hedges also needed trimming, so I simply hoisted up the weed-wacker and took care of the hedges as well.  This is not something that I think my husband would approve of.  In fact, if my kids ever do use the weed-wacker, and I see them attacking the hedges, or anything above ankle height,  I'd likely yell at them...'what are you thinking?'  If, however you choose to try it, it does seem to work just fine.

On the way to John Hancock

During a recent trip to Chicago, I was trying to map out a day that did not involve spending a crazy amount of money. The girls had already said that all they wanted to do was go to a gift store to spend the money they'd brought. One had rolled coins and cashed in her change at the bank for a total of $32.50, the other brought her earnings from the tooth fairy, $8 (all in $1 coins).  We left our hotel at 9:30 am, first destination, the John Hancock building. After that, I was preparing myself for a long day of searching for the right combination of stuffed animals, with a combined cost of $40.50, and net worth of $3.98.  We got off at the wrong bus stop, but we were right in front of a gift store.  30 minutes later, we left with souvenirs for everyone and gifts for the bffs of the 11 year old, it was meant to be.  Across the street was the Contemporary Museum of Modern Art, with a two story gift shop inside. Browsing through there took another hour (never made it inside the museum)In the end, our bags were full of unique toys, cool keepsake charms, one stuffed animal and a obnoxiously bright green scarf (which the girls picked out for me), all under budget.  Never made it to the John Hancock building that day, but had a lot of fun on the way.

Today's Special

My kids are polar opposite when the clock strikes 7:57am on a school day. There are days when my 5th grader is still causally eating breakfast, while the 3rd grader, who's been up and dressed for 30 minutes, runs chaotically through the house looking for socks, shoes, or books. She exhibits so much anxiety, that you think her world will in fact end if she can't find what she's looking for.  Since I never know what will set her off, I like to call it "Today's Special". Today's Special in our house was a library book. The search for it featured stomping feet, slamming doors, tears and finger pointing. My 5th grader, un-phased by the chaos of the search, diffused the situation by quietly going to her sister's backpack and retrieving the book. She thinks methodically, while her sibling is more reactionary. I enjoy the mornings when there are no 'Specials' on the menu, but when there are, I find it interesting to observe how everyone in the house responds, it speaks volumes about our family dynamics. Even the dog plays a role, she just finds a remote spot to curl up in, and stays out of the way.

Continuing Education...$10, the Experience, Priceless

I am currently in the active stage passively looking for work.  By that I mean, I have a resume, but no business card; a LinkedIn account, but am not active in group dialogue; recent experience, but my references are from work a decade ago.  So, with two kids in elementary school, who have grown accustomed to a parent at home, and a family budget that would definitely benefit from two parents working, I'm feeling the pressure of finding that perfect source of second income.  The one that finds the experience from my career in the 1990's and 2000's relevant, and the appreciates the efforts I've invested  to become current with whats needed in the 2010's. Tonight, that investment was 2 hours and $10. I attended a seminar entitled "Using Social Media to Build Your Business."   I had the privilege of being in the room with six small business owners.  That alone was worth the ticket price, they've followed their dream, and are seeking knowledge to succeed.  The presentation itself was also worthwhile, covering as much as you can in 90 minutes. But, it was enough to get my creative juices flowing and fuel a strategic approach to finding freelance work, rather then settling for passively looking. Thanks TechColumbus for hooking me up with tonight's seminar at IncreaseCDC

Jack's missing

I remember stressing about my kids connecting with a material possession when they were babies. Not sure why this was so important to me at the time.  One of those new mom things, that you later realize could lead to stress.  The kind of stress that occurs at bedtime, when your now eight year old daughter cannot find her monkey "Jack", and she NEEDS him for her school project TOMORROW and I DON'T UNDERSTAND how important this is and WHAT IF WE NEVER FIND HIM?  (This is what I created, by thinking that my infant child needed to bond with a WEBKINZ).

After two hours of looking, my daughter asked "what was that prayer that we said when my bracelet was lost? Because that worked, we found it."  So we together prayed " Dear St Anthony come around, something's lost that can't be found'  This precious child took comfort in that prayer, and I prayed even harder that  Jack would in fact be found.  It may not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but it was huge, and the ONLY thing that mattered to my daughter.  So, when Jack was found the next day, there was much happiness, and confirmation of faith in prayer... something that is aways good for a child to experience.

The highest compliment

When saying good night to my 8 year old tonight, she mentioned that I was a great mom.  When I asked what I had done that was great, she replied "everything".  I stared right in the face of the insecurities I'd been having about my life and said... TAKE THAT!  I AM GREAT.  Never underestimate the power of a child's simple comments, and cherish them when they are spoken at the most unexpected moments.

Hitting the parenting books again

As an expectant mother in 2001, I diligently read What to Expect when You're Expecting, then, that was the 'bible' for expectant mothers.  Everything was new, exciting, confusing, I was a college educated, career-focused thirty-something, mom-to-be, who thought one book would help prepare me for what was about to happen in my life.  Yeah, well, kind of.... but not entirely.  Two years later, I bought the sequel What To Expect The Toddler Years, only to realize I was too late.  My daughter had already sailed through most of the phases they discussed, oops, hadn't expected that.  Now, 12 years later, I try to attend the occasional parent seminar.  Some I've recently been to have been on topics including bullying, cliques, social media and kids.  With each one, I learn a little, but mostly leave vowing to be more on top of it; and always, I leave thinking 'Did my parents spend this much time trying to learn how to parent? And, how did they manage to get me and my three siblings through adolescence with the core set of values that carried us into our adult lives?' So, I decided to go back to the books.  I have a handful of partially read parenting books, that I vowed to complete this year.  In keeping with that resolution, I added another to the collection (why read five when you can add a sixth?)  But this one, I will finish.  Its called Girl's Night Out.  In reading the preface, I learned that my timing is good, as its intended for mothers of tweens.  Its subtitled,  Having Fun with Your Daughter While Raising a Woman of God.  I've already started it, and read about the first two 'nights out.'  One involves a date for high tea, the other a facial... sounds good.  Hold me accountable, I will blog my progress.  I intend to go through the series of dates, first with my niece, then my oldest daughter.

I'll be honest, I'd thought I'd be taking the lead on this type of thing from my sister, since we'd vowed to raise our kids in the same town, and she had a two year head start on me in motherhood.  But, God's plan was different, as you may have noted in previous blog posts.  Her kids are being raised in a single parent household, with watchful eyes from their mom in heaven. I am not ashamed to admit that a script would be helpful at this point, its been 4 year since her death and I'm still winging it in conversations with her girls.  If the book helps me sort through this stage, it will lead to many wonderful nights out with my girls and my nieces.  Stay tuned...

Family access to medical records

No humor in this post, in fact I had to stop myself from calling it the "I hate HIPAA" post.  I know that regulations exist to protect privacy, and I know that I'm not the first to complain about how HIPAA has made life difficult.  But this is in regards to HIPAA making death difficult too.  My sister died 4 years ago and I'm very close with her tween-aged daughters.  My sister and I had both gone to the same ob/gyn and I recently requested to see her records so I could share details about her puberty, should my nieces want to know.  I'd assumed my sister had listed me as authorized to share medical information, but found out that she hadn't.  Why would she? We talked all the time, there'd be no need for me to contact her doctor... unless she died at the age of 41... which she did.  If you are married and have siblings, or a best friend, add one of them to your medical file as authorized to receive information.  If not, HIPAA requires proof from the executor of the estate.  My brother-in-law is dealing with life as a single parent, he defers the kids to me when it come to the 'girl stuff,'  but since my sister didn't have the foresight to list me on her medical files, I now have to defer to HIPAA to get to the "girl stuff" records.