Message in a box

A thought occurred to me last week that I decided to try. I've been looking for a way to communicate with my niece. She's 10, and spends a lot of her time worrying about her siblings and her dad. I wanted her to have a safe place to worry about herself. So I wrote her a letter and bought a decorative shoebox. In it I placed a notepad and pen. I took her to lunch and read the letter aloud. Essentially saying that this was a way for her to write down her thoughts, important things that happened to her that day, or even things she wished she could tell her mom, or ask her mom. I said that I'd read the letters and their contents would be our secret. I'll check the box each time I go over and leave her notes too. Trying to answer any questions in a way that I think her mom would have... Two days after giving her the box, she'd written one note. I left her one in turn (when she wasn't looking) When I saw her today, she said that she'd gotten my note. She had a big smile on her face. I'm hoping that this is the start of a long line of communication.

Jewels in your crown

In passing, a third grade teacher said to me "you have many jewels in your crown, my dear." I responded that she had no idea how much I needed to hear that. Of course, she didn't hear my response, because I kept walking, holding my nephew's hand and holding back the tears. It was one of those afternoons where another comment had just put me over the edge, so God must have sent this one to balance it out. No less then 5 minutes prior to hearing her words, I'd been told that I couldn't pick up my nephew because I was not authorized to do so, they had to call 'the dad'. I wasn't mad at the process, but the reality that someone could tell me that I wasn't allowed to pick up my sister's kids. For two years, everyone at the school knew, for two years, there were never any questions asked... well now its been two years, and the ones that lived it with us have moved on. They remember, sure, but they, understandably, have their own lives. I've moved on too, in many ways. But no amount of exercise, volunteerism, parenting, etc, will fill the void that was created when my sister died. I think that what I realized most recently is that the more I do to get my own life back on track, the more I want to do for my sister's kids and her husband. The best I can do is pray for that he wants to do likewise for himself. I guess its a whole lot of prayers combined with daily perseverance that earns those jewels, but I'd trade them all to get my sister back. I certainly hope that she's enjoying the jewels of heaven now.

Chicago- from a new perspective

A.)Catching a cheap flight to Chicago for the weekend, riding the L to Wrigley field, crashing on a couch in a college friend's apartment, drinking my face off and finding the best local hangout for a satisfying breakfast with enough grease to curb the hangover.

B.)Driving to Chicago, checking into a hotel with suitcase in one hand and the other alternating between two kids, picking a restaurant based on proximity and its kid's menu, going to American Girl doll store (2xs), Millennium Park and Navy Pier.

I've experienced both of the above scenarios, one this past weekend... the other seems like a lifetime ago. I must say that both were a lot of fun. And I must admit, I was proud of myself for having yogurt w/granola after a 30 min run in the morning, instead of the greasy breakfast I used to crave on my visits to the windy city 15 years ago.

I'm glad that life has afforded me the opportunity to see Chicago from two perspectives. And some day, I'll go back and perhaps drink with my grown kids and enjoy breakfast at a diner in Lincoln Park, laughing about how silly we'd all been the night before... I'd actually like nothing better then that :>

Decorating a kid's room

7/20/10
When I was pregnant with my first child, I obsessed a little over the design of the nursery. I wasn't overly obsessed, but admittedly spent more time then I should have on picking out a paint color, that in then end resembled more of a color from an early 80's elementary classroom, then that perfect gender neutral pale green. So, now that my first born is 8, she's deciding how her room should be decorated. The trip to the craft store to pick out a poster, then to the thrift store to buy some frames and misc decor, went surprisingly well. My favorite was the 6.99 poster of dogs in high top converse shoes. Her favorite purchases were the things she found for her American Girl Doll, namely a rocking chair (.99) and coat rack (also .99, and formerly a coffee mug stand). It all came together tonight as we started hanging things on the wall. With any new addition, she exclaimed 'Mommy, I love it!' Its certainly nothing that will make the cover of a pottery barn kids catalog, but it is perfect for her... and a lot of fun to do together.

Life lesson resume

Its time for me to get back into the workforce. For two reasons, one financial and secondly, for my own personal growth. I feel like its hard to make that leap though... even though its not a huge leap. So instead of throwing myself into reasearching and re-learning marketing, I have been obsessing about my inability to dive in. Why am I not able to just embrace this and go with it? I have two freelance opportunities, essentially being handed right to me, and I'm... well spending my free time on this blog. What's up with that?

In talking with a friend last night, I came to the realization that the clutter in my head is preventing me from moving forward. I'm distracted by all the things that have occurred in my life over the past two years and the ripple affect of those things is what is consuming me.

I tend to steer myself to what's familiar. That's where I'm comfortable, secure, confident. When I had my career, I was familiar with marketing services. I understood the business and the people that I was marketing. Being away from that for 8 years, has made me less confident about my abilities to market and my brain migrates to that insecure zone. What's familiar to me now is motherhood, being a wife, surviving and not surviving cancer. I actually feel like my life experiences could qualify me to work as a social worker in a cancer hospital or at a coordinator at a funeral home. Helping those that survive, or helping those who need to put the non-survivors to eternal rest. I'd take the stuff that I learned in college over the life lessons that I've had over the past few years.

Teacher gifts

My kida have spent the past nine months in their classrooms. and their teachers have been great. I'm very appreciative of the effort that they've put forth to educate my girls, but I'm not in a position to express that gratitude in term of an expensive gift. So today I thought I'd spend the day working with the girls on homeade teacher gifts. Their idea was easy bake oven cookies... which only produced 4 cookies for your efforts. With 4 girls each taking turns trying to make batter, that amounted to less then 1/4 cup... I was really rethinking why we were doing this in the first place and trying to figure out when I could get away to buy a few gift cards.

What you can and cannot do

Today I bundled branches from limbs that we'd trimmed ourselves during this past weekend. I did this because we cannot really afford to have our trees professionally trimmed. Its one of those things that, if we can do it ourselves, just do it and save the money. That being said, I finished the job while waving to the house cleaner that used to clean our house. She was at the neighbors, and she used to clean here. That was when we could afford that expense, now, well, we can't. I caught myself having a little pity party, wishing that we could have paid someone to trim the trees, and clean the house, but we can't, and that's that. If I were working full time, we could, but I want to continue to focus on the kids, and our personal lives as long as I can, therefore, I'm ok with doing it ourselves... Also, because I'm focused on our family and our personal lives, I was able to get the kids after school and drive to meet a friend for dinner. She'd moved away 5 years ago, but comes up annually to visit her mom. We try to get together 1/2 between her mom's house and mine (about an hour's drive for each). Her girls and mine are so great together, and she and I can always pick up exactly where we left off.
If I were working, life would get in the way of these encounters. But because I'm able to focus on life, important encounters like this happen. What a wonderful evening we had. I was reminded once again how important friendships are, particularly those who've shared big life moments with you, both in your life and theirs.