How do you build good habits?

My 11 year old asked me this the other night at bed time.  She's been getting upset with herself for not doing the chores that we ask of her.  She wants to do them, but is the type of kid that gets distracted.  I struggled with this for a moment, thinking of all the bad habits we have as adults that take virtually no effort to form.  Good habits on the other hand take consistency and focus, two things that are foreign to many 11 year olds (and adults, for that matter).  I then suggested two jars, one empty, one full of mables (representing intentions to stay focused).  Each time she did a task that could lead to a good behavior, she moved a marble.  If a day went by without a good habit, she'd move it back.  There are now 4 marbles in the previously empty jar.  Good habits according to her:

• cleaned her room
• kept her room clean
• kept her room clean, again
• didn't get upset when coach yelled at her during practice (took it as constructive criticism)

Not sure if there had been more, i.e.  they had a short life in the good habit jar before returning to inventory of intentions jar; but proud of her for taking ownership of this and anxious to see if it lasts beyond the first 2 weeks of school.

Snow shoveling and neighbors

Three hours... the amount of time I would have spent with a client this morning, but instead spent shoveling... ah, the joy of a corner lot.  My 10 year old failed to make a dent in the ice covered snow when she attempted a snow angel.  That should give you an idea of the weight on each lift of the shovel.  Regardless, I enjoyed the exercise, did my homeowners duty of clearing the sidewalk and made the following observations about my neighbors:

1. some embrace shoveling, strap on their heart monitors and count calories
2. some pitch in and help others, shoveling beyond the boundaries of their own sidewalks
3. some say "Why bother? I've got nowhere to go.  People can walk on the other side of the street."  

While the 'why bother' option was tempting, I'm thankful that I am capable of and have the flexibility in my schedule to bother.  I guess I'm grateful:

1. to have the time and physical ability to do a chore like shoveling (to bother)
2. to show my kids that this is what you do, when your get 6 inches of snow.
3. to have seen the trash collector stop to retrieve what I thought was a soda can, but in fact was an injured bird that he gently moved to safer ground.

My dog was just grateful
for the path to pee

In his mind, he's three

I forget, sometimes, that something I see and regard as not noteworthy, can have a significantly different impression on my children. My daughter and I participated in a 5k downtown over the weekend. At the end of the race, a homeless man was milling through the crowd. He was likely in his 70s and mute (or choose not to speak). He approached us while we were taking photos. He motioned for his photo to be taken, and we allowed him to pose. I didn't give it another thought, my nine year old pondered it though, and asked me about it later that evening. She said 'do you remember that strange man that wanted to have his picture taken? He scared me." Humbled that I'd disregarded something that clearly impacted my kid, I quickly considered how to explain things in terms that she could understand. My explanation, in the simplest of terms, was that in his mind, he was 3, and what does a 3 year old do when there's a camera? She said, 'they say cheese!' Since he couldn't speak, I responded, he gestured to have his photo taken. As to his unkept appearance, I told her that he was likely homeless and that he likely was used to being in this part of downtown all by himself. Since there were so many people there that morning (500+ girls and their families participating in GOTR), he thought it was a party and wanted to be a part of it. She was curious as to why he was homeless, and that, I couldn't answer in simple terms. I merely suggested that sometimes peoples minds work in different ways and its not our place to judge, but rather pray for them.  I'm fairly certain that evening, that instead of fearing that homeless man, my daughter instead said a prayer for him, cause that's the kind of kid she is. I also offered up a prayer for him and a second one of gratitude for the opportunity to talk this through with my daughter. Its so important to be present for your kids, because you never know when you'll have a chance to make, or repair, an impression.

In his mind, he's three. 

12 words of Christmas

We are in the throes of planning for Christmas.  What relatives will visit when, how much we can afford to spend, what picture will we put on the card, will the tree fall down again today?  I was fortunate enough to take a moment, amidst the chaos of planning, to watch a video yesterday called  “The Twelve Words of Christmas” by Louie Giglio.  It was truly inspirational, and grounding.  Inspired by the video, I sat with my husband and kids at dinner and shared the Cliff Notes. One of the things that stood out to me was a reference to Mary possibly praying that her child's birth not occur on that particular night in the stable. She was away from her home, about to sleep in a barn after a long day riding on a donkey, understandably exhausted.  A prayer like that would not have been surprising, but yet the answer she got was quite different.  Thinking that my kids may be able to relate to the pray for one thing, and receive something else message, I attempted to create a moment with them while re-telling the story.  I engaged the kids with questions, like were Mary and Joseph at their house when Jesus was born? "No," they quickly answered, "they were in a stable because there was no room at the inn," .  Then I asked "What do you think Mary may have prayed for that night? Do you think that she may have asked God 'please let me get home, so my child doesn't have to be born in a stable'" Without hesitation, my 10 year old said, "No, I think she was praying 'please let it be a girl, please, let it be a GIRL.'
For all those devoted families, that read scripture or follow a set ritual during the advent season, I commend you.  My attempt at doing that resulted in uncontrollable laughter around the table, although I have to believe that still counts as spreading Christmas Joy.