How do you build good habits?

My 11 year old asked me this the other night at bed time.  She's been getting upset with herself for not doing the chores that we ask of her.  She wants to do them, but is the type of kid that gets distracted.  I struggled with this for a moment, thinking of all the bad habits we have as adults that take virtually no effort to form.  Good habits on the other hand take consistency and focus, two things that are foreign to many 11 year olds (and adults, for that matter).  I then suggested two jars, one empty, one full of mables (representing intentions to stay focused).  Each time she did a task that could lead to a good behavior, she moved a marble.  If a day went by without a good habit, she'd move it back.  There are now 4 marbles in the previously empty jar.  Good habits according to her:

• cleaned her room
• kept her room clean
• kept her room clean, again
• didn't get upset when coach yelled at her during practice (took it as constructive criticism)

Not sure if there had been more, i.e.  they had a short life in the good habit jar before returning to inventory of intentions jar; but proud of her for taking ownership of this and anxious to see if it lasts beyond the first 2 weeks of school.

Terms and Conditions

Could resist capturing this moment.  My 11 year old had a homework assignment to get a library card.  I sat beside her, knowing that I'd have to help her complete the application since she was under 18.  The first step was accepting the terms and conditions, a step that, as an adult, I'd typically scan with the specific intent of finding the check box to mark and continue.  My daughter, however, took the application process very seriously and thoroughly read the terms and conditions associated with obtaining a library card.  It was a proud parent moment, first because my daughter took this process seriously, and second... because I kept my patience and didn't scream 'just check the box!'

In his mind, he's three

I forget, sometimes, that something I see and regard as not noteworthy, can have a significantly different impression on my children. My daughter and I participated in a 5k downtown over the weekend. At the end of the race, a homeless man was milling through the crowd. He was likely in his 70s and mute (or choose not to speak). He approached us while we were taking photos. He motioned for his photo to be taken, and we allowed him to pose. I didn't give it another thought, my nine year old pondered it though, and asked me about it later that evening. She said 'do you remember that strange man that wanted to have his picture taken? He scared me." Humbled that I'd disregarded something that clearly impacted my kid, I quickly considered how to explain things in terms that she could understand. My explanation, in the simplest of terms, was that in his mind, he was 3, and what does a 3 year old do when there's a camera? She said, 'they say cheese!' Since he couldn't speak, I responded, he gestured to have his photo taken. As to his unkept appearance, I told her that he was likely homeless and that he likely was used to being in this part of downtown all by himself. Since there were so many people there that morning (500+ girls and their families participating in GOTR), he thought it was a party and wanted to be a part of it. She was curious as to why he was homeless, and that, I couldn't answer in simple terms. I merely suggested that sometimes peoples minds work in different ways and its not our place to judge, but rather pray for them.  I'm fairly certain that evening, that instead of fearing that homeless man, my daughter instead said a prayer for him, cause that's the kind of kid she is. I also offered up a prayer for him and a second one of gratitude for the opportunity to talk this through with my daughter. Its so important to be present for your kids, because you never know when you'll have a chance to make, or repair, an impression.

In his mind, he's three.